I heard fulltimers talk about the emotional roller coaster that they experience leading up to their eventual departure to their new life. I just didn't realize how these emotions (and I'm not a terribly emotional person) would fly thorough your mind, one right after another. Sort of like hitting yourself over the head with a 2X4. Again and again.
Worry. Excitement. Second thoughts. Guilt. Joy. Sadness. Thrills. Double checking your plans...for the third time.
Then when you've finally convinced yourself for the tenth time everything is going to be okay, you get some new assignments dangled under your nose. Those assignments would bring a promotion to the top of the heap and a bigger pension. I could remain for 2 1/2 more years and then I'd hit the mandatory years of total service and have to retire. Tempting, very tempting.
Then the roller coaster starts again. I spent time on the phone with my assignment officer discussing the potential assignments. I have to let him know tomorrow if I'm going to take any of them.
As with every job, there are many negatives for staying on, too. It is sometimes easy to forget the grief and aggravation that you go through, the things that drive you crazy and the people you have to put up with.
Do I want to stay or go? Sometimes you get lucky and something comes along to re-enforce your decision.
I got a call from one guy at my agency headquarters. They found an award for me that was buried under some papers in one of the bigwig's desks. An award for saving a woman's life. It was supposed to be awarded to me...in 2006! The guy wanted to know if I would be interested in having it presented to me in an award ceremony.
Yes, I think that helped cement my decision to stay the course and move forward to fulltime. I told him to put the award in the mail...
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