Home. It seemed so distantly away while I was in the Hotel California (hospital). All those tubes and wires that encompassed my body that seemed like they'd never let go were finally removed and I was wheeled out to our car.
I had no problem climbing the steps into the Journey and settle into my favorite spot on the couch. Since I was on some serious painkillers, I found movement pretty easy. That became a two edged sword, since I have an eighteen inch incision down my middle stomach, those muscles are the ones used to move your body around. On painkillers, it was a little too easy to overdue things so I've learned to be very careful and plan my moves. Using my legs and arms I can do a lot, but things like siting up in bed require a helping hand from Marti.
Using the colostomy has been a real learning experience. One you don't want to make a mistake with if at all possible, and yep, we've already made a few. As I'm getting used to it, each "event" handling the bag is getting a little bit easier and a little (little) bit less annoying.
I've had a considerable struggle with some emotional issues, a bit of up and down moments and anxiety. When I was in the hospital, just out of the ICU I was all tucked in for the night. Marti had gone home for the day and I was ready for sleep. All of a sudden I became very hot and had an anxiety attack that ended up with me being seen to by three nurses and a doctor to calm me down and get back to bed. Without going into details, it was the scariest time I've ever experienced in my life, I was absolutely terrified and totally out of my head with panic.
I was given some heavy medication that ended the episode and put me back in bed, none of which I remember doing. Since then, I've had some anxiety about it happening again, foolish I know, but just preys on my mind a bit. The surgeon told me that these feelings are often a side effect of anesthesia and I certainly believe she was right on target.
I can eat normally, we take short walks around the campground to keep moving. I have much to be thankful for, each day I feel a little bit stronger and less pain. I keep looking forward to returning to a normal lifestyle in a few months where I'll be able to do most everything even with my little bag friend, which I've named "Krakatoa". If you don't get it, Google is your friend. :c)
Sometime this late summer, I'll be entering the hospital for surgery to remove Krakatoa and reattach all my plumbing to get me back to normal. That prize is keeping me going, I've much to do this summer, a trip to our son's commissioning ceremony June 1, some time with our Missouri granddaughters, a trip to the Winnebago factory service center for work on the Journey and a 10 day motorcycle trip in July with my two brothers. The doctor has given me the green light to do all this with the surgery at the end of the summer.
I have much to be thankful for with Marti, my kids and my friends at the top of the list. My blog friends have also been great with comments and emails that have been so encouraging. I thank you all for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. I know it's helped me so much!